Life: as it mirrors in 30s

The thought of celebrating my 30th Birthday initiated nostalgic ramblings within the remote corners of my mind– Nano-snapshots of childhood memories flooded the "evenings" in my room.Within the cob web of my memory, some events and aspirations stand out so distinctly, the time I was a boy of eight riding a bicycle in the nondescript town of Dimapur [Nagaland], swaggering at the promise of life, who had a crush on his teacher at the age of 11 and dreamt of loving  her with the clarity of passion.It was  easy to believe during those "innocent years" that life is long and one's gifts are vast -- easy at the beginning, that is. But as the limits of life grew more clear; it became clear that great work can be done rarely, if at all       

The last few weeks have been silent conversations with the self.I felt as if life has been saying a lot of things to me in its usual dreamy whisper and I have swum in some kind of spiritual sea.....and I loved the waters ...for I realised that life has taught me a lot these past 29 years and the important lessons I tended to ignore as I fell back to the rut and ramblings of everyday existence.       

Some say that life is like a Tabula Rasa [a blank slate], upon which events and circumstances project their own outcomes. The decisions that I took in life [minute or large], and the people and situations I met, did influence/alter the course of my life. And everyone would  agree with me on the point that each one of our lives have a similar pattern. 

We all have a story to tell, we all have seen rainbows and fallen from cliffs.We realise that we do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. That we are made up of layers, cells, constellations. 

If someone asks me to define my life in few words..I would rather call it a tempestuous romance with sucess and failures... love and dejection..dreams and frustrations.....and other embellishments that one might ascribe as appropriate to make it an adventurous story.

Beyond all those embellishments, adjectives and rhyming attempts to define life, there is the "non-spicy" zone which we all dread treading in. We all have our usual hypnotic repressions to grimy and unpleasant details..pondering over them again and again...and in the end...letting our past life destroy our present.

As we creep ahead, we are afraid of losing things [things that are precious to us]. In fact how powerful is the "fear"?.People go to such great lengths to avoid the fear:mid-life crises, affairs with younger people,cosmetic surgeries, excercise obsessions, accumulating material possessions, procreation to carry on a name, striving to be more and more youthful and so on.We are frightfully concerned with holding on to these fears that sometimes we forget the real purpose of our lives.In fact, I have had my share of "holding on" to such fears, and undeniably I find sometimes that these fears define me in my interaction with others.

It is very difficult to predict how our lives will fit into the greater cosmic scheme of things. Twenty nine years of existence has given me this understanding that I do not need to be in control all the time. I would examine it from every angle and with a scientist's microscope. And yet I could no longer deny that the "framework" was already there and that I all I need to do is keep my mind "open to possibilities".

As I move ahead there is a wish to establish a felt-relationship with the deepest meanings or powers governing life. Like everyone else I want a perfect ending and I know, eventually I would learn, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. So, just like a racer all I would want then is not an "abrupt stop" in life's marathon. There would a little "finishing canter" before coming to a standstill,where I would want to hear the voice reverberating in my ears- "the work is done"

Of pertinence are some lines written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio. I find them so relevant in this context that I have them nested here in my blog:       

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My " oldometer" rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:" 

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. 
5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 
8. It's OK to get angry with God.. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shoudn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks. 
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind 
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 
23. Be eccentric now.. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?". 
26. Always choose life.
27 Forgive everyone everything. 
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything.. Give time, time
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 
32. Believe in miracles. 
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. 
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 
36. Your children get only one childhood. 
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 
39. If we all throw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab our's back. 
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 
41. The best is yet to come. 
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 
43. Yield. 
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
 

I would love to end by flagging an Interesting quote (can't remember who said these...) 

"The search for security is an attempt to make the universe static in order to feel safe. I recognise God by the shattering my plans"

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You can reach me at raindropsintown@gmail.com

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